Recently, members of my family were featured on the season finale of the show Paranormal State. The episode was entitled "Devil's Nest." It concerns a suicidal Satanic drag queen who opened up a portal to Hell in his cabin that trapped his soul and allowed a wolf monster to terrorize the current resident who once prayed to Satan to become a werewolf.

Seriously. You can watch it on youtube if you're interested: [link] It's pretty damn funny.

The Satanic drag queen was my cousin, Rocky. He's kind of, well, the dark family secret you don't talk about. So you can imagine how thrilled my family was to have it told to the world on television. Especially since a lot of it was bullshit. The show made it out like he killed himself in the cabin. He didn't. Also, he was not a Satanist. He had an interest in the occult, yes, but so did his sister, Lavern the landlady. The scenes where they interviewed her were...creatively edited. They wanted to interview her again for the epilogue or whatever, but by that time she was so fed up that she didn't want anything else to do with them. And the people claiming they were attacked by the wolf creature? Comedy gold! Oh, Southwest Virginia, don't ever change.

Most everyone in my family is pissed off. It's kind of become a local sensation. Small town, you know. But I loved it. So much fun. I watch a lot of paranormal shows and always wonder how much is faked. Now I have a good idea. You can't believe everything you see on tv. Who would have thought?

I'm going to write a book about it, and then when it's a terrifying bestseller they'll make a movie and it'll be the best movie about ghostly drag queens and redneck demon wolves ever.